On amor fati…
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati.”
~ Nietzsche, ‘ Ecce Homo’
If it happened, then it was meant to happen. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
What is and what should be is the same.
Nietzsche described his formula for human greatness as amor fati…a love of fate…”that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.”
Amor fati is a mindset that you take on for making the best out of anything that happens, treating each and every moment—no matter how challenging—as something to be embraced, not avoided. To not only be okay with it, but love it and be better for it. So that like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.
There are no coincidences. It's the universe bringing things to happen when they're supposed to happen.
There's signs and synchronicities all around us at all times if we're awake enough to see them and to take them in and to listen to our intuition when it's speaking to us or pounding us in the head saying, 'Hey dummy, this is what you're supposed to be doing.’"
Resist holding expectations.
Expectation feeds frustration and is an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes you wish you could control but don't.
Needing life always to turn out how one wants it to is guaranteed to disappoint.
I am not afraid of falling because I know how to get back up.
Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.
“Nature doesn't ask your permission; it doesn't care about your wishes, or whether you like its laws or not. You're obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.”
~ Dostoevsky
Everything is as it should be.
Accept the world as it is, no regrets, no false moralism’s.
Acceptance does NOT mean apathy.
Acceptance does NOT mean tolerance.
Tolerance implies that there is no physical resistance yet a mental resistance still exits.
Resistance is not acceptance.
What you resist persists.
Acceptance means the mental resistance is dropped as well.
Embracing reality, the mind is clear to decide a course of action.
Reaction may or may not be required.
Acceptance does NOT infer passivity, counterintuitively, acceptance may require an active course of action to affect a conscious change.
Some problems left on their own will not get fixed by themselves, hence deserve some attention.
Acceptance does NOT equal to resignation or surrender.
Amor Fati is not only radically accepting reality as it is, it is also doing something with it.
Creating a new possibility. Hope is not a course of action.
It’s not the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.
Accept everything about this situation, your own responses included!!
(i.e. accept that someone is a dick while accept the urge to kick their ass as well, and even accepting of the ass kicking….regardless of the ass kicked!)
You are not the cause of everything that happens to you, but you are responsible for how you respond to everything that happens to you.
Amor Fati is having the strength to accept and embrace reality as it is, while, like an artist, using your will to power in crafting it to what it you want it to become.
Focusing on actions that lead to positive change and then unequivocally accepting the outcome.
We must paradoxically both trust in our fate, accepting life as it is while at the same time taking responsibility for our contentment.
“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment--not discouragement--you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.”
~ Joseph Campbell
“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will - then your life will flow well.”
~ Epictetus
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their own power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.”
~ Seneca – Moral Letters
Everybody wants certainty and some control over their futures; however, none of us have that and that's why it's essential to let go of fear and worry to trust in the universe.
When we expect a certain outcome, we turn away from alternative futures and set ourselves up for frustration.
If, instead, we let nature run its course and expect nothing, any possible future can be accommodated.
What we want and what we need are not necessarily the same.
Never let the future disturb you.
You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
Change is inevitable.
Change is neither good or bad.
It simply is.
It can be greeted with terror or joy…
…with fear, ‘This is uncomfortable, I want it the way it was!’
…or with excitement, 'Look, something new’
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
Traveler: "What kind of weather are we going to have today?"
Shepard: "The kind of weather I like."
Traveler: "How do you know it will be the kind of weather you like?"
Shepard: "Having found out, sir, I cannot always get what I like, I have learned always to like what I get. So I am quite sure we will have the kind of weather I like."
~ Anthony de Mello "Heart of the Enlightened"
You can dance in the rain, or sulk in the rain. It will rain regardless.
“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.”
~ Vivian Greene
“Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
“That which is necessary does not offend me; Amor Fati is the core of my nature.”
~ Nietzsche
“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
“Don’t be afraid. You’re going to make it, but it’s always going to feel as if you’re not. That’s the fun, you see!”
~ Alan Watts
“We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.”
~ Victor Frankl
Remember that things happen for me, not to me!
Use what life throws at you to your advantage.
We live our lives forward and understand them backward.
~ Kierkegaard
Fatalism does not mean giving up.
It is precisely because we cannot control the course of things that we can never know what the future holds: life may become worse or better.
Since all things are uncertain, so too is the future, and so there is always the possibility of change for better as there is for worse.
Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.
Not seeking happiness is the key to finding happiness, though happiness is overrated.
Contentment is the true goal.
The content person welcomes sadness with the same enthusiasm as joy, and wishes them both well when it’s time for them to depart.
Things happen the way they should happen, otherwise they wouldn’t have happened. It’s not a moral issue, it’s just reality.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. People have experienced the worst atrocities anyone can think of and then gone on to live extraordinary lives.
Exerting your will to power extends the range of what you have control and/or influence over. This involves risk as others will to power may conflict with yours. Good news is either due to fear of failure or laziness most won’t take risks. They do not have the courage. Live dangerously. Embrace the danger. You will fail. Embrace the pain. Pain is a certainty. Pain and hardship are the only way we grow as people . Say yes to life. Amor fati.
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."
~ Viktor Frankl
How can one affirm life in the presence of so much ugliness?
“The only intelligent tactical response to life’s horror is to laugh defiantly at it.”
~ Kierkegaard
“Accept everything bad that happens to you the way a sick person takes medicine. Medicines are bitter & distasteful, but a sick person takes it happily & is glad it exists. In the same way, be glad when trials & afflictions are sent to you, knowing that they're of use to your soul.”
~ Tolstoy
Allowing yourself to feel happy, no matter what your life looks like, is the key to real happiness.
Difficulty builds and reveals character.
So when things are going bad…say good.
Good. This is an opportunity.
It’s also a trial that will make you stronger.
That’s it. When things are going bad: Don’t get all bummed out, don’t get started, don’t get frustrated. No. Just look at the issue and say: “Good.”
Now, I don’t mean to say something trite; I’m not trying to sound like Mr. Smiley Positive Guy.
That guy ignores the hard truth.
That guy thinks a positive attitude will solve problems.
It won’t. But neither will dwelling on the problem. No. Accept reality, but focus on the solution. Take that issue, take that setback, take that problem, and turn it into something good. Go forward. And, if you are part of a team, that attitude will spread throughout.
Finally: if you can say the word “good,” then guess what?
It means you’re still alive.
It means you’re still breathing.
And if you’re still breathing, that means you’ve still got some fight left in you.
So, get up, dust off, reload, recalibrate, re-engage – and go out on the attack.”
~ Jocko Willink
When you experience a problem, you can try to change reality, but you can also reframe your expectations.
You can choose to fight it, or to try to control it, but when you accept it, you reach a deeper understanding of what is happening and how to respond…if at all.
Turn the stumbling block into a stepping stone. Saying “good” to your perceived problems will put you in the right mindset again.
It is our expectations that cause us to experience a fact as a problem. We often can’t change facts, but we can always change our expectations.
How can a problem be something we desire, or something that serves our goals? By by asking yourself this counterintuitive question, you challenge your brain to find new ways of thinking and seek hidden opportunities.
"I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”
~Seneca
"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him."
~ Viktor Frankl
How fortunate that this happened to me, someone strong enough to deal with it and be strengthened by it.
To overcome difficulties is to experience the full delight of existence.
This involves transforming the suffering into a triumph, a personal achievement.
As Viktor Frankl sagaciously put it: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
“To a disciple who was forever complaining about others, the Master said, ‘If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.’”
~ Anthony de Mello
By growing through suffering or finding value or reason in it, we imbue it with meaning.
Likewise, Friedrich Nietzsche thought much greatness in individuals was owed to great suffering, adding that we have to make suffering meaningful in order to bear it.
Be grateful for difficulties and opportunities to fail. They show us where we can improve and give us the chance to practice what you have learnt. This way of reframing challenges and failures as opportunities is crucial for the resiliency required to practice self-improvement.
“Our actions may be impeded, but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions (“good”). Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
“Be like the headland, on which the waves break constantly, which stands firm, while the foaming waters are put to rest about it. “It is my bad luck that this has happened to me”. On the contrary, say, “It is my good luck that, although this has happened to me, I can bear it without getting upset, neither crushed by the present nor afraid of the future … Surely what has happened cannot prevent you from being just, high-minded, self-controlled, thoughtful, self-respecting, free, and the other qualities whose presence enables human nature to maintain its character.”
~ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.49
“There will always be stumbling blocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how you use them.”
~ Nietzsche
“However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not as bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, as poor as it is.”
~ Thoreau
“It is out of the deepest depths that the highest must come to its height.”
~ Nietzsche, ‘Thus Spoke Zarathustra’
When man plans, the gods laugh. Expect the unexpected. Expectations can be a source of suffering
We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it.
“The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.”
“Act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?”
~ Damone
”The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.”
~ The Third Zen Patriarch, Seng T’san
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”
~ Joseph Campbell
Life does not happen to us; it happens for us.
Amor fati is not indifference in a negative sense. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you’re good either way. The point is to be strong enough that there isn’t a need to need things to go in a particular direction.
It’s obviously it’s better to be rich than poor but try to be indifferent when fate actually deals out its hand on the matter. If you can’t change it, be strong enough to make good of it—whatever it is.
The danglin’ dong of destiny cannot be directed, just bend over and accept it with a smile.
Remember that very little is needed to make a happy life.
The danglin’ dong of destiny cannot be directed, just bend over and accept it with a smile.
Amor fati—Latin for "love of fate”—is the embrace of fate and the positivity that such a mindset can bring into one's life.
Originating from Greek stoicism, the concept was later adapted by Frederich Nietzsche and first introduced in his book, The Gay Science. He also develops this idea in Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Ecce Homo.
Basically, Amor Fati is an attitude when you see everything that happens in your life as good or just necessary.
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.”
~ Epictetus
The good things, the bad things. Foreseeable disasters are the least likely to happen.
“A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
Like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.
When one is unable to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Say ‘Yes, Thankyou’ to life.
Be daring enough to bet on yourself, to do the things you would regret leaving undone, and to be willing to be uncomfortable in the short term so you can learn and grow in the long term while being cautious enough to avoid stupid mistakes, prevent burnout, and maintain a margin of safety.
This is a balancing acts of maintaining caution and daring at the same time.
“Excellence withers without an adversary: the time for us to see how great it is, how much its force, is when it displays its power through endurance. I assure you; good men should do the same: they should not be afraid to face hardships and difficulties, or complain of fate; whatever happens, good men should take it in good part, and turn it to a good end; it is not what you endure that matters, but how you endure it.”
~ Lucius Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
A writer — and, I believe, generally all persons — must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.
~ Jorge Luis Borges
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.”
~ Unknown
The suffering and the loss…”embrace the suck.”
“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials”
~Seneca
The pain, the sadness along with the happiness. Everything.
“It is easy to praise providence for anything that may happen if you have two qualities: a complete view of what has actually happened in each instance, and a sense of gratitude.”
~ Epictetus
On the surface, much of what we’re upset about or wish hadn’t occurred is so objectionable that gratitude seems impossible. But if we can zoom out for that more complete view, understanding and appreciation can emerge. First off, you’re alive. That’s the silver lining of every shitty situation and should not be forgotten. But second, everything that has happened and is happening is bringing you to where you are. It’s contributing to the person you have become. And that’s a good thing.
A hungry stomach, an empty pocket, and a broken heart can teach you the best lessons of life.
The tough lessons in life show you how to be self-reliant, how to trust yourself and your skills to get you through situations.
They teach you how not to be needy.
Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it does happen—then your life will flow well.
~ Epictetus
When you accept what happens to you, after understanding that certain things— particularly bad things—are outside your control, you are left with this: loving whatever happens to you and facing it with unfailing cheerfulness and strength.
You need to accept the fact that all events occur for a reason, and that it is within your capacity to see this reason as positive.
“If there is unhappiness in you, first you need to acknowledge that it is there. But don't say, “I'm unhappy.” Unhappiness has nothing to do with who you are. Say: “There is unhappiness in me.” Then investigate it. A situation you find yourself in may have something to do with it. Action may be required to change the situation or remove yourself from it. If there is nothing you can do, face what is and say, “Well, right now, this is how it is. I can either accept it, or make myself miserable.” The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. “I have fifty cents left in my bank account” is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering. Be aware that what you think, to a large extent, creates the emotions that you feel. See the link between your thinking and your emotions. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.
Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeing is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it. Unhappiness covers up your natural state of wellbeing and inner peace, the source of true happiness.”
~ Echart Tolle
Amor Fati is not resignation.
Patience is a form of action!
It is, in fact, a philosophy that shines brightest when the outlook is darkest.
Amor Fati is not being indifferent to the world around you, it’s realizing what you can and what you can’t control.
It makes that distinction between what is not in our control and what is in our control for a reason—so we can focus 100% of our energy on what is in our control...even if the odds of success are low, even when everyone else thinks the smarter move is submission.
We will put our energies and emotions and exertions only where they will have real impact. This is that place. We will tell ourselves: This is what I’ve got to do or put up with? Well, I might as well be happy about it.
We should cut out the whole process of whining and struggling if something is inevitable anyway. Sit back, go with it and make the best of it.
The ideal goal is:
Not: I’m okay with this.
Not: I think I feel good about this.
But: I feel great about it. Because if it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am going to make the best of it.
And proceed to do exactly that.
If the event must occur, amor fati is the response.
“Advantage may be gained from every circumstance.”
~ Epictetus, Discourses 3:20
“Every way is favorable if I want it to be, because whatever happens, I can derive some benefit from it.”
~ Epictetus, Enchiridion 18
Yes, it’s a little unnatural to love things we never wanted to happen in the first place. But what other, worse adversities might this one be saving us from? What might we learn from this unchosen experience? What good, equally unexpected events might result from it? We know that in retrospect we often look back at difficult times fondly, almost wistfully, so we might as well feel that now.
Amor Fati isn't about being passive.
Amor fati shouldn't be construed as passive resignation.
Instead, it should be seen as accepting the unchangeable while actively engaging with what we can influence.
Accepting our limitations within a bigger picture doesn't negate the power of purposeful action within our sphere of control.
You can, and should, seek to achieve your goals in life.
This point about acceptance not equating to passivity is crucial.
Acceptance can be an active process of recognizing reality without letting it dictate our responses…allowing us to move forward with clarity and focus our energy on meaningful actions.
At that moment, when you have put forward your best efforts, you should feel proud. Not when your efforts come to fruition, if they ever do. Right then, when there's still sweat on your brow. You've proven something, to yourself if nobody else. Come what may, you've shown your character.
"An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself"
~ Epictetus
You can always love your fate because life is game of perception.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. “
~ Epictetus
“My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it—all idealism is mendacity in the face of what is necessary—but love it.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Treat each and every moment — no matter how challenging — as something to be embraced, not avoided.
To not only be okay with it, but love it and be better for it.
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens, happens the way it happens, then you will be happy.”
~ Epictetus
“I undertook to conquer myself rather than fortune, and to alter my desires rather than change the order of the world, and to accustom myself to believe that nothing is entirely in our power except our own thoughts…Here, I think, is the secret of those ancient philosophers who were able to free themselves from the tyranny of fortune, or, despite suffering and poverty, to rival the gods in happiness.”
~ Descartes
For example, I like it when it rains, because even if I don't like it, it still rains.
A resolute, enthusiastic acceptance of everything that has happened in one’s life.
Acceptance is NOT pacifism! Acceptance is wu wei!
Acceptance of a thing or condition does not mean it has overpowered you in some way, conversely, you actually gain power, as it is only by acceptance that you can assume an attitude towards the thing in question.
“We seldom think of what we have, but always of what we lack.”
~Schopenhauer
Two possible paths to contentment are, to get everything you want, or to want everything you have; the latter is much easier to achieve.
Money and wealth have nothng to do with one another.
You are bound to be miserable if you tie your happiness to external things.
"Freedom isn’t secured by filling up on your heart’s desire but by removing your desire.”
~ Epictetus
"He has the most that is content with the least."
~ Diogenes
It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.
~ Seneca
"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants”
~ Epictetus
“That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
“If you don’t regard what you have as enough, you will never be happy even if you rule the entire world.”
~ Seneca
“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
~ Socrates
“You have succeeded in life when all you really WANT is only what you really NEED.”
~ Vernon Howard
“The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring. I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
”Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
“Almost nothing is needed for a happy life for he who has understood existence.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
“Its success is never certain, for that depends on the convergence of many factors, perhaps on none more than on the capacity of the psychical constitution to adapt its function to the environment and then to exploit that environment for a yield of pleasure.”
~ Freud
“To be satiated with the “necessities” [of external success] is no doubt an inestimable source of happiness, yet the inner man continues to raise his claim, and this can be satisfied by no outward possessions. And the less this voice is heard in the chase after the brilliant things of this world, the more the inner man becomes a source of inexplicable misfortune and uncomprehended unhappiness in the midst of living conditions whose outcome was expected to be entirely different. The externalization of life turns to incurable suffering, because no one can understand why he should suffer from himself. . . That is the sickness of Western man. . .”
~ Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion
“I hope everybody could get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that it’s not the answer.”
~ Jim Carrey
It’s hard to comprehend how you can have everything you’d wish for, and still be unhappy. This unhappiness is a cry for inner self development, and it needs to be addressed if what you’re looking for is to have a complete and integrated self.
“My mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. '”
~ Forrest Gump
Well, it means that you don't really know what a chocolate tastes like until you bite it. And in the end, you've tasted whether you liked it or not.
This applies the same for life. You don't really know what every day of your life is going to be until you live it. It may be great experience or can be worse, but you would not know it until you live it.
“Each organism experiences this from a different standpoint and in a different way, for each organism is the universe experiencing itself in endless variety.”
~Alan Watts, The Book: On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."
~ The Dalai Lama
"The fates guide the person who accepts them and hinder the person who resists them."
~ Cleanthes
There's a stoic allegory about life being like a dog tied to a cart. As the cart moves, you have two choices: accept that the cart is moving and you can't do anything about it, and move on your own four legs with the cart (take life in stride) or be dragged by the cart over the rocks and mud and suffer the injuries that follow (ignore or resist the perils of life and suffer).
Zeno and Chrysippus affirmed that everything is fated, with the following model: When a dog is tied to a cart, if it wants to follow it is pulled and follows, making its spontaneous act coincide with necessity, but if it does not want to follow it will be compelled in any case. So it is with men too: even if they do not want to, they will be compelled in any case to follow what is destined.
“Fate guides the willing, but drags the unwilling.”
~ Cicero
“Feras non culpes quod vitari non potest.” (what can’t be cured must be endured)
~ Horace
“Life is a game of dice. Even if you don’t throw the number you like, you still have to play it and play it well.”
~ Roman playwright Terence
So that like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.
Take obstacles in your life and turn them into your advantage, control what you can and accept what you can’t.
"Our actions may be impeded, but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."
~ Marcus Aurelius
There are no failures — just experiences and your reactions to them.
The way we see the world creates the world we see.
Acceptance can be really hard.
Not just hard because it means tolerating things we don’t like, but because it feels weak. What am I supposed to do, just let things be?
Yes. Yes, exactly.
That which one resists persists, is the old proverb.
People are going to be a certain way; events will occur as they do.
Shit happens. Bad shit.
Not only that, but there’s the little stuff too. People are rude. Things are said. The weather is nasty. The news is disappointing.
When tragic things happen, it is on the surface. It’s like the ocean. On the surface a wave comes and sometimes the wave is very serious and strong. But it comes and goes, comes and goes, and underneath the ocean always remains calm.
“Lead me, Zeus, and you too, Destiny, to wherever your decrees have assigned me. I follow readily, but if I choose not, Wretched though I am, I must follow still. Fate guides the willing, but drags the unwilling.”
~ Cleanthes’ Hymn to Zeus
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
~ Joseph Campbell
Acceptance of fate is key. Acceptance is not acquiescence. It is not giving up on life. They are vastly different.
Acceptance is accepting a challenge to succeed in the face of adversity.
Amor Fati is even beyond acceptance, it is deciding to love what happened, to realize it was meant for you. Because it’s teaching you something. It’s leading you somewhere and preparing you for something...if you let it.
Amor Fati sounds very similar to mindfulness practices that specifically emphasize acceptance and teach us a nonjudgmental attitude toward our experiences—meaning, learning not to label our thoughts, feelings, or experiences as good or bad, and trying not to change or resist them in any way.
Acceptance is not about acquiescing to your fate, though, like getting a diagnosis of a terminal illness and just accepting that you’re going to die. That kind of “acceptance” leads to worse outcomes. Nor is it about accepting poor treatment from other people. It’s more about accepting your internal experience—your thoughts and feelings—which informs you about how to respond to your external circumstances in a wiser way. For example, if you feel angry and accept your anger in the moment, it may prevent you from lashing out at someone and help you see that your feelings aren’t their fault.
Don’t just accept but embrace that you must play the cards you are dealt.
Life is not fair. The world owes you nothing.
When you replace "why is this happening to me" with "what do I need to do now" …everything shifts.
If your path is broken or detoured, learn from the journey.
“I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way.”
~ Voltaire
This does not mean that you are not able to accomplish your ultimate goal.
There may be a lesson that leads to enormous growth down that opposing fork in the road.
If you learn to use failure, suffering, adversity right, it will buy you a ticket to a place you couldn't have gone any other way.
You will never move on from that bad news if you do not accept it, learn from it, and move as a force with it in the right direction.
You can’t cry it away or eat it away or drink it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away.
It’s just there, and you have to survive it.
Sometimes you just have to endure the suck.
You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it.
This is where acceptance comes in. Very importantly this includes self-acceptance.
You don’t have to like it to work with it…to use it to your advantage. But it starts by seeing it clearly and accepting it unconditionally.
Amor fati is a love of what happens.
Because that’s your only option.
“Now that we can see how palpably always everything that happens to us turns out for the best. Every day and every hour, life seems to have no other wish than to prove this proposition again and again. Whatever it is, bad weather or good, the loss of a friend, sickness, slander, the failure of some letter to arrive, the spraining of an ankle, a glance into a shop, a counter-argument, the opening of a book, a dream, a fraud—either immediately or very soon after it proves to be something that “must not be missing”; it has a profound significance and use precisely for us.”
~ Nietzsche, The Gay Science
On the one hand, we're powerless, but on the other hand we're deeply empowered.
With amor fati, you feel that everything happens for a purpose, and that it is up to you to make this purpose something positive and active.
We fight desperately against the things that are happening to us as they're happening. But, then with the benefit of time and hindsight we understand that was naïve or foolish.
"When tragedy strikes, we never think that it might be saving us from something worse."
~ Winston Churchill
It’s true. It can always be worse.
So much of your life is not under your control.
You can't control the world or other people.
Often you can't control what's going on in your head.
The only thing you can control is your deliberate thoughts and actions.
What we tell ourselves they mean to us and how we will integrate them into our lives.
So to let our happiness and self-worth hinge on what we cannot control is futile.
Ridiculous.
We often unconsciously default to thinking that we have control over everything — and then we're angry, sad, or frustrated when the universe quickly reminds us that we don't.
We cannot control most things. But we can control how we feel about them by changing the expectation that we're entitled to have everything go our way all the time.
We can treat life less like a capricious opponent, and approach it with a curiosity and a respect for its challenges.
Complaining wastes energy on resistance that could be used toward an effective solution.
Lamenting, crying, complaining ... not only do they not make you feel better, they actively make the situation worse. They're diverting critical resources.
First step is "Do No Harm." I'm just not going to let my attitude make this worse, by feeling singled out or hurt.
Life is a game. We can try and fail and try again.
Games are fun. Frustrating, at times, but still fun.
Games are fun up to the point when we forget it was a game in a first place.
Life can be the same way if we welcome its obstacles.
Instead of wishing for things to be different, to be better, you not only accept them but you love them, you embrace them fully for what they are.
And that is the ultimate source of power and strength.
A weaker person needs things to be a certain way.
The truly unstoppable person loves it all because they can make the most of it.
Here's how amor fati can make you happy:
Amor fati: Merely "accepting" life is not enough.
Love every bit of life, good, bad, and ugly. (Yes, that includes traffic.)
Denial and complaining are the enemy: Whatever it is, you will accept it eventually. So sooner is better.
And whining is wasted energy.
The universe doesn't check its complaint box.
Flash forward to the future: Will this still bother you in a month? A year? Then don't let it bother you now.
Treat life as a game: It's no fun if it's easy.
If your personal story has no conflict, please do me a favor: Don't tell me your story. It's boring. Do you want a boring life?
Feel gratitude — for the good and the bad: You don't know what, in the end, will be good or bad. So be grateful for it all. And then work to make the short term bad turn into long term good.
You don't get to make the rules in life but, have no doubt, this is your journey.
Your game.
There are power-ups if you can find them. And even some cheat codes.
But there is no "god mode."
And amor fati teaches us that you wouldn't want to play that way anyway. Really, what fun is that?
There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents.
Everything is neutral.
Everything that happens in the world is neutral.
Every event has a different effect on everyone, but the events themselves are neutral, without intent, and play no favorites.
Your reaction and perception determine the effect on you.
If you perceive events to be negative, they will be negative.
If you receive the events to be positive, you will find the positive in them.
“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
~ Epictetus
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
“If life becomes hard to bear we think of a change in our circumstances. But the most important and effective change, a change in our own attitude, hardly even occurs to us, and the resolution to take such a step is very difficult for us.”
~Wittgenstein
Turn the obstacle upside down
“The obstacle in your way is but a stepping stone on your journey”.
~ Marcus Aurelius
N0 obstacles are inherently negative and should be seen as an opportunity for something positive and growth oriented.
This helps you become immune to negative emotions.
Use alternative thought patterns to gain perspective and move forward rationally.
i.e. Someone is being an asshole. Instead of feeling frustrated or angry you should realize this is an opportunity to practice virtues such as understanding, patience and compassion.
Emotions are created internally.
Emotions come solely from your actions and choices.
They simply don’t come if you don’t summon them.
For example, people don’t make you feel bad, you make yourself feel bad.
Your feelings and initial reactions towards events and situations are manifestations/reflections of internal prejudgment and conditioning.
Nobody can force you to make moral judgments regarding specific things that are happening in our lives or the stimuli we encounter.
Only you can put desires and attitudes in your life.
Always keep an optimistic perspective. There will always be something to complain about, but negativity gets you absolutely nowhere.
Everything you require for happiness and contentment you already possess; it’s just a matter of wanting them, instead of the expectation of more.
If you’re always reaching for something you don’t have, you’ll create feelings of disconnection, powerlessness and worthlessness over not having them.
“As long as you think that what you’re looking for is outside of yourself, it will never be enough.”
~ Ram Dass
You already have everything you need to be happy, always have and always will.
That is the nature of the Tao.
The realization that I always have and always will have everything that I will ever need provides freedom from attachments and contentment.
True contentment is when you know everything is going to be ok…no matter what.
It’s not life that causes suffering but our expectation that life should be the way we want.
When you want/crave something you don’t have it creates anxiety/suffering.
This craving could come in many flavors such as the need for acceptance i.e. for people to like you, to get drunk or high, a financial goal, an educational goal, a fitness goal, shopping, sex, gambling, etc.
When you truly understand and accept that you already have everything you need and everything else is superfluous (if Maslow was right this isn’t so hard), your cravings dissipate and the suffering ceases to exist.
Accepting doesn’t mean to give up or stop trying or even to be complacent…you simply reach a deep understanding that’s OK if you don’t obtain what you were seeking.
This philosophy does not represent a lack of courage.
It takes even more balls, bravery and bullheadedness to follow the path with diligence and discipline that you ultimately know you may not lead to your planned destination.
If you don’t make a goal, it’s not the end of the fucking world.
Don’t stress, life goes on.
Ultimately you can take it or leave it; go with the flow.
Act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.
Whatever may happen, your toes are still tappin’!
Don’t worry, be happy.
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
Renounce the fruit of action; rejoice in action
Enjoy the quest. The magic is in the journey not the destination.
To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top.
What you find and learn along the way is often more valuable than that which you are seeking.
The beautiful irony of this process is that once you truly stop desiring what you were craving, odds are you will then find/receive it, though you would be still content if you didn’t.
"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."
~ Aldous Huxley
"The resistance to the unpleasant situation is the root of suffering."
~ Ram Dass
You should not ask – to know is a sin – which end
the gods have given to me, or to you, Leuconoe, nor
should you meddle with Babylonian calculations. How much better to suffer
whatever will be, whether Jupiter gives us more winters, or whether this is our last,
which now weakens the Tyrrhenian sea on the pumice stones
opposing it. Be wise, strain the wine, and cut back long hope
into a small space. While we talk, envious time will
have fled: harvest the day, trusting as little as possible to the future.
~ Horace, Odes 1.11
Seize the day.
“There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Trust the universe.
Trust yourself.
Amor fati.