On impressing others…
“If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval. Realize that you have compromised your own integrity. If you need a witness, be your own.”
~ Epictetus
“It never ceased to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.
~ Marcus Aurelius
You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
First I was worried about what people thought of me.
My next phase in life, I just didn't give a fuck what people thought of me.
Now I realize nobody was thinking about me in the first place, they are thinking about themselves and what other people are thinking of them!
What people think of you is not up to.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Fear of rejection is paralyzing.
It’s so very much like slavery. You don’t rule over yourself, you don’t decide, fear decides. The fear tells you what you can and cannot do, all in the name of keeping you “safe”.
“Do you want to have an easy life? Then always stay with the herd and lose yourself in the herd.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
You must have courage not succumb to the fear of the certain ostracization of not blindly following herd mentality.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
“Nothing is more important than this: we should not, like sheep, follow the group that has gone before us. We should go to the right place, not where others are going.”
~ Seneca
“We cannot control the impressions others form about us, and the effort to do so only debases our character.”
~ Epictetus
“You could be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world but there still would be someone who dislikes peaches.”
~ Dita Von Teese
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
~ Epictetus
‘The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those that cannot fly.’
~ Nietzsche
‘Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.’
~ Nietzsche
Nothing will stunt or slow down your own growth more than a concern about being normal.
It is unrealistic to expect people to see you as you see yourself.
If people reach conclusions based on false impressions, they are the ones hurt rather than you, because it is they who are misguided.
When someone interprets a true proposition as a false one, the proposition itself isn't hurt; only the one who holds the wrong view is damaged and thus deceived.
Once you clearly understand this, you will be less likely to feel affronted by others, even if they revile you.
You can say to yourself, "It seemed so to that person, but that is only his impression."
As you gain wisdom:
First you worry about what others are thinking about you.
Then you don’t care what people think about you.
Finally, you realize that nobody was thinking about you in the first place.
In fact, it is sort of conceited if you think people are thinking about you all the time.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
~ Lao Tzu
“When someone said to Diogenes, ‘Most people laugh at you’, he replied, ‘And doubtless donkeys laugh at them; but just as they pay no heed to the donkeys, I pay none to them.’”
~ Diogenes the Cynic, Sayings and Anecdotes
“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”
~ Epictetus
"Never proclaim yourself a philosopher; nor make much talk among the ignorant about your principles, but show them by actions ... So if ever there should be among the ignorant any discussion of principles, be for the most part silent. For there is great danger in hastily throwing out what is undigested. And if any one tells you that you know nothing, and you are not nettled at it, then you may be sure that you have really entered on your work. For sheep do not hastily throw up the grass, to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they produce it outwardly in wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you not make an exhibition before the ignorant of your principles; but of the actions to which their digestion gives rise. "
~ Epictectus
We train ourselves to express emotions in socially acceptable ways. We carefully control our laughs and our smiles, so they don't get too big, show too much teeth or feature too much snorting. We constantly plan and worry rather than living in the moment and enjoying each smile and hug for all it's worth. When we talk, we don't listen, we just plan what to say next.
We actively suppress the inner kid who thinks a hug is the best part of meeting someone and that a smile is the best part of a conversation in favor of fitting in with all the other people who keep tight control on how they express emotions.
Focus on you…not what others may think of you, unless of course you are subtly or unsubtly attempting to influence them.
Worrying about what other people think is draining and keeps us from experiencing life fully and genuinely.
Not everyone will like you. You need to be okay with that.
We do not need to pretend in order to make more friends or please our family.
Don’t be afraid to lose people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.
If our friends truly love who we really are, they will accept us and all our idiosyncrasies without us having to put on a façade.
We are always uneasy when we are pretending to be what we are not, and we are always dissatisfied when we are living in a way we would not live unless society told us we should live that way.
Living life genuinely gives us the freedom to be authentic.
Don’t worry about what people think of you. Just be yourself. A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows who you are anyway.
Be humble. Nobody is better than you, but you are better than nobody.
A few excerpts from the Tao Te Ching that apply:
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.”
“Teaching without words, performing without actions: that is the Master’s way.”
“The Master’s mind is like space. People don’t understand her. They look to her and wait. She treats them like her own children.”
“Knowing how to yield is strength. Use your own light and return to the source of light.”
“Thus the Master is content to serve as an example and not to impose her will.”
“The ancient Master’s didn’t try to educate the people, but kindly taught them to not-know. When they think that they know the answers, people are difficult to guide.”
“Related to and in harmony with extravagance in houses is all the matter of furnishings within the house—couches, tables, coverlets, drinking cups, and similar objects—completely surpassing all needs and going far beyond necessity. There are ivory and silver, yes, even golden couches, tables of similar materials, coverlets of purple and other colors difficult to obtain, cups made of gold and silver, some of marble or some similar material rivalling gold and silver in costliness. All these things are eagerly sought for, although a pallet furnishes us a place to lie on no worse than a silver or ivory couch, and a rough cloak is quite as suitable to cover it as a purple or crimson coverlet; it is possible for us to eat quite safely from a wooden table without longing for one of silver. Yes, and one can drink from earthenware cups which are quite as good for quenching the thirst as goblets of gold; and the wine which is poured into them is not tainted but yields a fragrance sweeter than from cups of gold or silver. In general, one would rightly judge what is good and bad in furnishings by these three criteria: acquisition, use, and preservation. Whatever is difficult to obtain or not convenient to use or not easy to protect is to be judged inferior; but what we acquire with no difficulty and use with satisfaction and find easy to keep is superior. For this reason earthenware and iron and similar vessels are much better than those of silver or gold, because their acquisition is less trouble since they are cheaper, their usefulness is greater since we can safely expose them to heat and fire (which cannot be done with others) , and guarding them is less of a problem, for the inexpensive ones are less likely to be stolen than the expensive ones. No small part of preserving them too is keeping them clean, which is a more expensive matter with costly ones. Just as a horse which is bought for a small price but is able to fulfill many needs is more desirable than one which does little although he was bought for a great price, so in the matter of furnishings the cheaper and more serviceable are better than the more costly and less serviceable ones. Why is it, then, that the rare and expensive pieces are sought after rather than those which are available and cheap? It is because the things which are really good and fine are not recognized, and in place of them those which only seem good are eagerly sought by the foolish. As madmen often think that black is white, so foolishness is next of kin to madness.”
~ Musonius Rufus
“Intellectualism is a common cover-up for fear of direct experience.”
~ Carl Jung
“Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. It is not to be found in your personal associations, nor can it be found in the regard of other people. It is a fact of life that other people, even people who love you, will not necessarily agree with your ideas, understand you, or share your enthusiasms. Grow up! Who cares what other people think about you!”
~ Epictetus
“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”
~ Epictetus