On loss…
We never really own anything. All that we possess in this life, even life itself, is really ours only in trust. We are renters. Our lives are here on loan...loans that can get called in at any time. We can be fired. Someone can dislodge our seemingly dominant market position. A loved one can leave. People die.
None of us own anything. Everything is constantly in flux. What we have today may be gone tomorrow—we ourselves may be gone tomorrow. Understand that. Appreciate everything accordingly. Be grateful and humble...or life will rebuke you. Fate will remind you who is in charge and nature will reclaim what is hers.
Nothing is or ever can be owned by you except your virtue.
You borrow everything from nature. When something is stolen, is destroyed or someone dies, they are returned to nature. You never owned them in the first place.
Do not take people and things for granted. Everything is on loan to you. Eventually things are returned or you die. Either way they are not yours to keep. Enjoy them while they are here.
Only loss teaches us about the value of things.
“How lucky am I to have (or had) something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
~ Winnie the Pooh
When something or someone is lost or taken, remember that our items were never “ours” anyway and now they’ve returned to the universe to continue their journey as you continue yours without them.
Yes, absolutely love the things you ‘have’, including the people in your life, however you don’t need external things, know you will be just fine without them.
“Let nature deal with matter which is her own as she pleases let us be cheerful and brave in the face of everything, reflecting that it is nothing of our own that perishes.”
~ Seneca
Everything from your most prized possessions to your family members really belong to nature. Think of these people and things as being already gone in a sense then there won’t be any unrealistic attachment to these things.
The relations to Buddhism are obvious.
i.e. suffering is due to attachment caused by impermanence
“Never say about anything I have lost it but only I have given it back. Is your child dead? It has been given back. Is your wife dead? She has been given back. I have had my farm taken away. Very well this too has been given back. Yet it was a rascal who took it away, but what concern is it of yours by whose instrumentality the giver called for its return so long as he gives it to you, take care of it as it is a thing that is not your own, as travelers treat their inn.”
~ Epictetus
If a close friend had their home broken into, you’d comfort them and tell them that it was only stuff that had been stolen. If your child broke their favorite toy, you’d tell them that these things happen and try to get them to play with something else. If a waiter spilled on your friend, you’d calm them down by saying it was an accident. Basically, when stuff happens to other people, we’re able to see it clearly with some perspective and some detachment.
But when your stuff breaks or is lost, it’s always so much different. It’s suddenly a tragedy, or worse, a deliberate misdeed that has been wrongly inflicted upon you. You take it personally, because, well it is personal…it happened to you.
And then you’re miserable.
That’s why the practice of detachment is so important.
Not in the sense that you don’t love other people or that you avoid relationships or possessions, but in the sense that when something happens to one of those things, you try to see it with some perspective.
When someone you know loses a loved one, you can say, “that’s just life.” But when you lose a loved one, it’s a much different story. It seems catastrophic yet it is fundamentally the same event!
When you get upset try to remember how you feel when you hear it has happened to someone else. You care, sure, but not so much that it deeply distresses you. You are empathetic but unbroken. You are calm, you are collected, you understand.
And then, you move on.
Being sad is a reaction.
Sadness is a state of mind.
One is outside our control. The other is something we choose—a weakness we give into and accept.
Practice negative visualization.
"No man is crushed by misfortune unless he has first been deceived by prosperity."
~ Seneca
“Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us.”
~ Epictetus
Detach from the things you cannot control, and focus on the ones you can, and know that sometimes, the only thing you will be able to control is your attitude towards something.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves or accept it.
And since change is inevitable, once you accept and even welcome the fact that everything will change there will be less suffering (and/or more serenity) in your life.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
“There's a tree out in the back yard,
That never has been broken by the wind.
And the reason it's still standin'
It was strong enough to bend.”
~ Tanya Tucker
Flexibility is strong enough to bend like a tree, rigidity breaks and can’t easily be repaired.
There is no such thing as absolute certainty, except our certainty that nothing is certain… maybe.
You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your reactions to them.
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
~ Dalai Lama
IF the situation is not in your control, don’t stress, if it can’t be changed, accept it and laugh!
Don’t let negative vibes bring you down, neutralize them with humor and positivity.
Don't worry be 😁
Don’t cry because it’s over, laugh because it happened.
~ Dr. Seuss
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'It is God's will' is a form of amor fati.
'Have faith that the lord will provide’ is a form of amor fati.
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